


butterflies

by kirikami



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, like. lots of fluff, side woosang, this is just SO cute theres no other way to describe it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-27
Updated: 2019-11-27
Packaged: 2021-02-24 15:25:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21580117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kirikami/pseuds/kirikami
Summary: objectively, san is pretty. it’s as simple as that.
Relationships: Choi Jongho/Choi San
Comments: 7
Kudos: 140





	butterflies

**Author's Note:**

> around the world, people view the butterfly as representing endurance, change, hope, and life.

objectively, san is pretty.

jongho came to this conclusion after plenty of careful deliberation, also known as lying on his bed staring at the ceiling blankly until it provided him with a logical answer as to why he couldn’t stop staring at one of his best friends.

there wasn’t any big realization that san had an effect on him. he just realized that, over the years, his friend had grown into his looks and became the subject of many people’s affections. not like jongho was _jealous_ , of course, anyone was allowed to admire him if they wanted, but he figured it was this obvious beauty that caused him to have his attention to be drawn to him so often. it’s like seeing a painting in a museum, it’s just something that’s so obviously pretty you _have_ to stare. it would be almost criminal not to appreciate it.

growing up, jongho had never questioned his sexuality. it seemed like a given that he was straight, that he would end up with a girl. he wasn’t homophobic, not with a majority of his friends _not_ being straight, but he knew he wasn’t into guys. especially not guys like choi san, who he had known since he first started walking, never leaving each others sides. they had grown up together. everyone around them knew they were inseparable and practically attached at the hip.

that just didn’t explain why earlier that day, when san had been showing off his newly dyed blonde hair, jongho couldn’t keep his eyes away. everywhere he looked, they found their way back to his golden hair and his infectious smile. he was sure it wasn’t obvious to their friends, because they were all hanging off san and showering him in compliments, but all jongho wanted to do was hide in a corner and not face them. he drills the idea into his own head incessantly that he’s not gay, he doesn’t like guys, san is just really pretty. any person with eyes would not want to stop looking at him. he’s perfectly straight. he likes girls.

but not any person would want to hold hands with their best friend, to tell him that he’s beautiful and run their hands through his hair. that’s where the problem comes in. that’s where he isn’t fully able to convince himself that this isn’t personal. normal people don’t want to kiss their best friend. they also don’t sit in their room having a crisis while all of their friends are sitting in their living room, having fun without them.

he sighs, covering his face with his hands and pitying himself for a second before standing up, straightening up his clothes and making his way out of his room. he can hear the movie they must have chosen while he had his crisis, and smiles as he hears the giggles and comments ring out. it’s just like them to make themselves feel at home, and he asks himself if they’re wondering where he is. he told them he needed to go to the bathroom, but when he checks his phone he sees it’s been a good thirty minutes since then. he must have lost track of time. he quietly tiptoes down the stairs, making an effort not to make much noise.

as soon as he makes it downstairs, he peeks into the living room where his friends have made themselves comfortable, the 7 of them lying across every open space, not excluding each other. he smiles at each and every one of them. he doesn’t fail to notice wooyoung’s death grip on yeosang’s waist, and the way the latter is gently pawing through the former’s hair, running the strands through his fingers with a light smile gracing his face and his eyes shining when he steals a glance at wooyoung. he thinks of when they first started hanging out with those two, and how their pining was so obvious it was impossible to miss it. it had been just jongho and san since they were little, and then they met wooyoung and yeosang and everything just fit. him and san had to sit through almost two years of longing glances and reluctant stares before mingi and yunho came, quite literally, crashing into their lives.

those two were notoriously loud and unafraid of consequences, so when they became part of their little group, they took no remorse in coercing the two to finally talk about their feelings. their methods weren’t exactly orthodox, and might be seen as a little bit harsh, at least by the boys in question. it might have involved locking them in mingi’s guest bathroom, a small room that barely fit a toilet and sink, pushing a chair under the door handle, and not letting them out until they confessed (it wasn’t an easy explanation when the rest of the group hid in mingi’s bedroom, and his parents arrived to two teenage boys kissing in their bathroom).

the two of them being a couple barely affected the group dynamic. it was just the same as it always had been, except with a little bit more kissing. not long after mingi and yunho came hongjoong, the fiery class president who was exploding with energy, shortly followed by seonghwa, jongho’s family friend who became an instant fixture once he moved to their school. the last two were the ones that held the group together, like glue. everything just fell into place after they started hanging out with the rest. they were never going to leave, not with the way the younger boys clung on to them like they would die if they let go.

jongho never thought he would find a group of people he truly belonged with, but he was proven wrong. these are the people he feels completely comfortable telling anything to, and always feels like someone is there for him when he needs it. growing up, it was him and san against the world. they didn’t need anybody else. it was hard to adjust to when the others barged in, and he had to get used to actually interacting with others than his best friend. not that it’s that difficult, of course, because he always has yeosang and seonghwa by his side when things get a little too much, and even if it doesn’t seem like it when he’s goofing off with wooyoung and mingi, he’ll always have san right there to fall back on. san would never let him go, he knows, because it’s still the two of them before everything else. always.

sometimes it doesn’t feel that way anymore, though. his eyes wander towards said boy, who is locking hands with yunho, looking towards him every few seconds with a fond smile on his lips. the flashing lights from the screen in front of him illuminate his golden locks, and make him look absolutely unreal. jongho swears his heart grows a size at the curl of his eyes when yunho whispers something in his ear. his body curls up when he laughs, his full body shaking, and jongho wishes he could make him laugh like that. to be the one to elicit such a pretty sight. he bets on his life that there has never been anyone or anything as beautiful as choi san in this very moment, even as his hair is a mess, he’s wearing a t-shirt with holes lining the collar, he has smile lines around his mouth, and his face is bare and no longer covered with makeup.

he stops his thoughts there. okay, maybe he isn’t as straight as he says he is. it’s a lot to take in at that moment, eyes seemingly locked on his best friend who’s sitting only a few feet away from him, tucked into the chest of jeong yunho, not even wondering where he is. he doesn’t think of jongho in the way that he _just_ realized he thinks of san. yeah, san is pretty, but he’s also insanely kind and probably the sweetest person in the world, right after yunho himself. he’s the person who’s always been there for jongho when he didn’t really need to be. the one to help him clean up his face after he fell out of a tree, the only person to come looking for him when he thinks something is wrong, the boy that jongho can’t seem to get out of his head.

suddenly, san looks up towards where he’s been staring from, and his heart drops in his chest. he probably looks like a creep, just standing there and ogling at him shamelessly, hands tucked into his pockets. before his best friend can get a word out, he takes a few careful steps back, only to get a head start to full out run to the sliding door that leads out to deck. he tries not to think about the puttering of soft footsteps following him, and breathes in heavily. it’s cold outside, enough that he can see his breath curl up in front of his face like smoke, and suddenly he’s regretting his choice of changing into a thin t-shirt. his sweatpants don’t provide much warmth to the bitter cold in his chest.

when he doesn’t hear anyone follow him outside, he takes the chance to lean up against the wood railing of the deck and look up at the sky. the moon is bright against the dark abyss of the night, and stars brighten the horizon. his mind wanders a little bit, and he wonders if san actually wanted to go looking for him, or if the footsteps were just a figment of his imagination, and san was still cuddling with yunho in his very own living room, while he sulks on the deck. he probably overreacted anyway. him standing there probably wasn’t that big of a deal, but he figures him running away in terror probably triggered some worries.

he sighs deeply, throwing a hand against his face in self pity, when a large gust of wind knocks into him, chilling him down to the bone. now he’s covered in goosebumps, and he longs for his favorite hoodie, which in the back of mind he remembers he lost, because he couldn’t find it when he had looked where he always kept it earlier that day.

he’s shivering with his whole body, when a warmth covers his shoulders and overwhelms him. a presence settles beside him, slightly knocking shoulders with him. he takes a minute to pull on the sleeves of the coat, reveling in the warmth the coat brings him, before taking a moment to look at the person beside him.

it’s san, because of course it is. who else would it be? it’s always san.

“you didn’t have to follow me,” jongho says quietly, almost to the point of whispering. he rubs his hands together for warmth, and san grabs them between his own, which jongho have held a million times in the past, but this time they send an electric shock through his system.

“yes i did. you think i would just let you come out here in a t-shirt and freeze?” he scoffs. however, when jongho looks down slightly, his demeanor changes and he sighs. “look. i care about you, jongho. i can tell something is wrong. you wouldn’t run away from me if it wasn’t.”

jongho just shakes his head, grip tightening on san’s hands. “i can’t tell you. i know, i know that it isn’t fair to you and you’re my best friend but i-“ his voice cuts off with a sniffle. “i can’t tell you.”

“you can tell me anything, okay? whatever it is, i’ll be here for you through every single step of the way, okay? i promise.” he holds out a hesitant pinky finger, which jongho looks at and shakes his head. “okay. listen to me for just a minute. i’ve been with you, stuck by your side through good and through fucking awful. you really think that at this point, after 14 years, that i’m going to give up on you? all because of one little thing? you’re my best friend and i really like-“

he cuts himself off, body stiffening up. jongho turns toward him and squeezes his hand. the two have a silent exchange, san avoiding jongho’s eyes while simultaneously trying to look interested in something else, and jongho wanting desperately to know if san was about to say what he thought he was. neither of them move, however, their hands remaining interlocked and bodies almost pressed up against each other. jongho takes deep breath before speaking, not looking away from his best friend’s face.

“i’ll make a deal with you. if you finish what you were about to say, i’ll tell you what’s wrong.”

san inhales sharply, a blush starting to make it’s way onto his cheeks. he finally looks back into jongho’s eyes, a meaningful look there. “i really, really like you. probably even love, if i’m being honest. i wasn’t going to tell you, but honestly? fuck it. i’m in love with you, choi jongho. i have been since we were kids, since the moment i realized that i would rather kiss _you_ than any girl. you’ve always been the one, jongho. i know you might not feel the same, and that’s okay. but i do. i love you.”

he was meek at first, but slowly his confession becomes more confident, and jongho feels like someone has taken the breath out of him and stolen his heart from his very own chest. he squeezes san’s hands like a lifeline. “i can’t tell you how much i wanted to to hear that. holy shit, san.”

san looks like he’s about to say something, but jongho cuts him off. “do you really want to know what’s wrong?” san nods, and jongho laughs lightly, the noise floating in the air, the wind seemingly carrying it. “i fucking love you, and i just realized it. this may sound cheesy as hell, but i think i’ve been in love with you my whole life, and i’ve just been too stupid to notice.”

as he talks, san’s hands make their way out of his own and loop around his neck, and he pulls himself as close as he can, leaving no space between the two. when he finishes his monologue, he rests one of his hands on san’s cheek, stroking the skin there lightly, and the other one his side. he smiles, and marvels at the blush running down san’s face and neck, the upturn of his lips as he breaks out into a grin and the way his eyes are almost disappearing into his smile. he thinks about how he caused that, how he’s the reason that san is smiling. and now he can do that again. and again, and again, and again.

he caresses the cheek he’s holding delicately. “you’re absolutely beautiful.”

that’s all it takes for san to crash their lips together, pulling his head forward. it’s messy, because jongho wasn’t expecting it and honestly, neither was san. both of them are smiling so wide that it’s actually more of a teeth bump than an actual kiss, but it’s not like either of them care enough to stop it. it’s their moment, and they wouldn’t stop it for anything. they hold each other tightly and even as they pull back, they don’t think they could ever let go. they rest their foreheads together and just take in the moment, trying to ignore the world around them and just focus on each other.

when jongho opens his eyes, he sees san staring at him fondly and feels the pull of fingers running through his hair. it’s comforting and strange, because even more than the kiss, this is what really makes him feel like he truly has san. like he’s actually real and in front of him, and he isn’t just dreaming. they genuinely like each other. scratch that, _love_ each other.

“i love you,” san whispers quietly, tangling his fingers in the short hairs at the nape of jongho’s neck.

jongho smiles back assuringly, knocking his forehead against san’s. “i love you too.”

the stay in each other’s embrace for a second, before jongho pulls back to look at the hoodie san has on. it’s his, the one he lost. it’s big on him, and it looks absolutely fucking adorable. the sleeves are pushed back so he can have his hands out, and jongho about coos. when san follows his gaze to see where he’s looking, the blush suddenly appears back on his face, more prevalent than before.

“um.” he buries his face in his hands. jongho laughs and pulls them away, swinging them back and forth.

“i was wondering where it was. looks like it was never really lost, huh?”

san launches himself forward into his chest, where he mumbles a response that jongho can’t catch. “what?”

“i said,” he looks up at jongho through his eyelashes. “i took it because it smells like you.”

jongho almost faints on the spot. he wraps his arms around san, rocking him gently. “sannie, be my boyfriend or i might actually die right here. seriously.”

san giggles and holds him tighter. “what am i supposed to do, say no?”

“is that a yes?” jongho hopefully asks, his face lighting up.

san laughs, this time completely wholeheartedly. “yes, you doofus. now let me take you inside and show you off, _boyfriend._ ”

jongho lets go of san, and takes his hand. they walk inside, swinging them together exaggeratedly, without a care in the world.

(let’s just say, not a single soul was surprised when they announced that they were boyfriends. the had even had a bet on them, which, unsurprisingly, yeosang won.)

**Author's Note:**

> AHHH im so happy i finished this i love it so much!!!! i havent had much inspo to write since honey but this came so naturally so i hope u enjoy!!! please leave kudos and comment ur thoughts!!!


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